Callous Muslimah's blog

I´ve been through some financial difficulties this year. And it got me thinking.

Is prosperity truly bounty of Allah for just being good and praying or is it divine help to the one who truly struggles and tries to get out into the fresh air of the middle class?

Perhaps i have phrased my question wrong.

I know for sure that, just like it says in the Qurán, people that find themselves in difficulty of any kind turn to God in repentence. I am guilty of that myself.

But i wonder sometimes which part of my ´success´ is divine help and which part of it is my own effort.

Primitive man decided that God is the sun.

Then there were the pre Jesus era jews and Zarathustra and Amon Ra. One God, jealous, punishing, fearsome.

Christians humanized Him

Muslims were a mix of both and brought Him into daily life and politics.

21 century. We ran away into atheism - the new religion. Science is god. Trust only the senses.

The truth is, the more we know, the more complex our society is, the deeper we get into quantum physics, the more complex our idea of God.

It can never be simple, but it has to be a matter of personal choice.

This blog is about sex. For those who are too prim and proper, please do not read.

It stopped raining. I'm sitting in my living room, waiting for the primrose oil to moisten my body.

I have been frustrated. I have been swept up in a routine and endless days of work and parties and bills and bills and bills. Responsibilities. No time for me. No time to relax and find out what i want to do with life.

I realize what's been missing in my life. Independence. Gypsy-like seizure of the day. Great sex.

Declare Shahada, pray 5 times a day, fast in Ramadan, wear hijab, avoid mixing with men, do not commit zinah, do not drink alcohol or eat pork, be kind and patient.

These are the things that i was taught and practiced for 5 years since my conversion (reversion as some say) at 18.

Pretty simple, everything was supposed to fall into place and life was supposed to be a waiting for death and the gathering of paradise credit through the above plus marriage and charity.