Islam and Sexual Violence: Marital Rape

Bismillah Preface
The communal reaction to a Sunday afternoon lecture (taleem) delivered at a Ash Shaheed Islamic Center in North Carolina in May of 2006 served as the motivation for this publication. At that time, a well-respected and learned Imam visiting for the weekend appeared to trivialize the possibility that a husband could “rape” his wife . Neither he nor I realized how wide is the gulf that separates those who characterize forced sexual intercourse within marriage as rape; those who believe that the institution of marriage affords husbands free access to their wives at any time, under any condition; and those whose ideology places them somewhere in between. Neither of us, I’m sure, was aware of the extent of pain and ignorance that exists around this issue among both Muslims and non-Muslims. As with other human affairs, religious teachings (including those aligned with Islam) often greatly influence the extent to which wives are viewed as individuals with agency and choice in regards to how their bodies are used or as property to be controlled by their husbands. In response, Islam & Sexual Violence attempts to:

(1) address, foremost using the Qur’an and other Islamic religious resources, what appears to be profound ignorance and confusion about the reality of marital rape, or forced marital sex – both within Muslim communities and the larger society.
(2) encourage dialogue among Muslim women and men about the nature of marriage, spousal privileges, gender justice, and the language we employ in our descriptions of the directives Allah(SWT) has established for the development of healthy communal life.
(3) empower Muslims who have been victimized by both physical and ideological attacks to gain the courage and support so that we may relate to others and ourselves with the justice, peace, and freedom that lies at the core of the revelation given to the Prophet Muhammad (sallallahu alei wasallam).
(4)help eliminate the “climate of fear and ignorance that makes family violence possible” as articulated in the mission statement of Baitul Salaam Network, Inc. (1)

Islam & Sexual Violence will be issued as a series of pamphlets, each edited by me, an African American Muslim scholar, who herself is a survivor of marital rape that occurred almost 30 years ago. Due to the prevalence of husbands as the perpetrators, this work will use “marital” rape to mean “wife” rape. As with most of my research, its primary audience is African American Muslims, particularly those associated with the leadership and teachings of Imam W. D. Mohammed and The Mosque Cares, thought it is written to be accessible and of assistance to all Muslims and other interested groups. Imam Mohammed’s community is my focus, not because the need for awareness is greater, but because he is my spiritual leader and it was through his community that I made a transition to Islam in 1998. Following the model of the Prophet Muhammad (SWT), Imam Mohammed continues to demonstrate great sensitivity and compassion to issues affecting the well being of women.

As the initial consideration – Beginning an Encounter with the Reality of Marital Rape – is not intended to be an exhaustive, historical study. Rather, it is organized as an opening conversation about a controversial, personal, and complex subject, and as an encouragement to Muslim communities to reconsider our responsibility to the varied forms of domestic violence Muslim women and children encounter. I hope to extend thoughtful rationale for the consideration of forced sex within any marriage as “real” rape with punitive consequences. Even though rape is about control and power – not sex and pleasure – and husbands often employ physical and material weapons to dominate their victims, I am aware that my goal is not a popularly held view. As Rape and Society: Readings on the Problem of Sexual Assault makes clear:

For most people, forced sex in marriage has little to do with what they would call ‘real’ rape. When they think of ‘real’ rape, they think of a stranger, a weapon, an attack, a threat to a woman’s life. Forced marital sex, on the other hand, conjures up an unpleasant, but not particularly serious, marital squabble. . . [To wives/victims] marital rapes were frightening and brutal events that usually occurred in the context of an exploitative and destructive relationship. This sexual abuse was only peripherally about sex. More often it was about humiliation, degradation, anger, and resentment (2).

The material presented here is derived from a number of sources – textual, oral, and internet-based. Initial research drew to me other Muslim women who have battled and/or are battling marital rape perpetrated by men, who according to the Qur’an, are to be their “protectors,” “maintainers,” and “garments” with whom Allah (SWT) has placed for them “friendship and mercy.” (mawadda wa rahma) (They will share their stories in a future edition.)

I take full responsibility for what follows, and any errors therein. I extend sincere gratitude to those whose intellectual engagement and/or personal experience contributed to the publication of Islam & Sexual Violence, in particular Dr. Kecia Ali, Professor Pamela Cook, and Dr. Laury Silvers. I also value the insight and thoughtful feedback provided by Imam Khalil Akbar of Charlotte, NC, and Imam Oliver Muhammad of Raleigh, NC, who responded to early drafts. May Allah (SWT) receive our efforts as intended – to move Muslims closer to fuller human and spiritual development as we strive to live out our destiny of submission to our Creator and critically reflective interdependence with each other.

Introduction
Most Muslim men and women understand themselves to be created as “protectors of one another” (auliya) who are to “enjoin what is just, and forbid what is evil.” Their reward is the mercy of Allah (SWT) (3). In Islam, Muslim marriage is a civil agreement; a contract (‘aqd) between a husband and wife that conveys the legal rights and obligations of each spouse. It is also “the only religiously sanctioned environment” through which we, as Muslims, may legitimately engage in sexual relations and procreate (4). In other words, only within the boundaries of Muslim marriage, has Allah (SWT) made halal the gift of sexual intercourse.

Though Muslim jurists historically considered forced sex as “unethical,” no consensus emerged regarding the level of consent necessary to exercise the right of sexual expression (5). Many argued that Islamic Law does not recognize the concept of marital rape. Exemptions to forced marital sex have been repealed in Australia, Austria, Canada, Denmark, England, Finland, France, Germany, Ireland, Israel, Mexico, New Zealand, Norway, Poland, South Africa, Spain, Sweden, Trinidad/Tobago, and some parts of the U.S. (6) Still, in most nations, a husband is within his legal rights to force his wife to engage in sexual relations. You see, as with the institution of slavery, the agency of Muslim and other women has historically been directly linked to issues of patriarchal power. That is, an enslaved woman had no power to set the limits as to what did or did not happen to her body. She was the property of her owner, void of any legal existence. She could not control her movements, her decisions, nor access to her body. Neither some think, can a married Muslim woman. As Kecia Ali, an Islamicist and contributor to the online webpage – The Feminist Sexual Ethics Project – explains:

Rape implies a property crime, among other things, and as the husband enjoys (limited) proprietary rights over his wife's sexual and reproductive capacity, there can be no unlawful expropriation” (7).

Clearly, most women enter marriage with the expectation that they will voluntarily enjoy sexual relations with their husbands. Equally clear is that many women do not. Statistics of reported rape regardless of religious affiliation indicate that 25 percent of all such attacks involve a husband, as the perpetrator, and his wife, as the victim, according to Pamela Cook, a Certified Domestic Violence Worker for the state of Illinois, a political scientist, and a doctoral student at the University of Chicago, whose research considers issues of race, gender, and power.

By 1981, some 600,000 wives annually experienced the “ultimate humiliation” or marital rape (8). Such an act of violence could not be prosecuted in all 50 states until 1993 (9). Understandably, the lack of prosecutorial support 13 years ago reflects the societal view that wives “irrevocably consent” to intercourse with their husbands by nature of their status as wives.

Such ideological positions also hold that a wife could possibly accuse her husband of assault, but not rape, because of the nature of his status as husband. In Namibia, for example, where five percent of the population is Muslim, a wife can lawfully deny sex to an HIV/AIDS infected husband, but she can be forced to submit otherwise. What’s more, opponents of marital rape legislation have commonly fallen upon the sword of family togetherness regardless of cost, while also connecting such abuse to levels of possible punishment that draw attention away from the need for some type of prosecution:

Criminalizing rape in marriage will increase the already high divorce rate. . . . The ‘intimate and unique’ nature of marriage makes it unacceptable to convict husbands of an offense so serious that it may attract the death penalty (10).

African Americans & Control of the Female Body

Since the first female African arrived – voluntarily or involuntarily – on the shores of what is now the United States, the history of black reality has reflected dehumanizing characterizations of African American women (and men); most recently as “hypersexual beings” (11). Black men and women have routinely been denied their rights because of race, but African American women have also been oppressed by their men and others due to their gender. In response to the recent accusations of a black woman that she was raped by white members of the Duke University lacrosse team, Dorothy Height, the 94-year-old president emeritus of the National Council for Negro Women, described the crisis this way:

I think there is a tendency to downgrade black women and to discount the fact that, no matter what they are there to do, they are not just animals to be used (12).

Those who advocate spousal – and they most generally mean wife – accessibility at any time and place, often see the issue through the stereotyped image of African American males as individuals with unquenchable sexual appetites. One Imam humorously shared a story about a husband who engaged in forced sexual intercourse with his wife because the husband “couldn’t help himself.” In the story, the couple went to court at which the judge directed the husband to “just take her to dinner.” Apparently, to this American Muslim leader, rape does not occur within marriage. His perspective resonates with the sentiments of a Muslim leader in Malaysia, who claimed in 2004, “forcing one’s wife to have sex is not marital rape and not against Islam” (13). At the time, another Malaysian official announced that Islamic law was sufficient to “check” any spousal abuses by the husband (14). Yet, Malaysian women continue to be forced to engage in marital sex, begging the question: Is it the civil law, Shari’ah Law, their interpretations, or any one of the former that require our urgent attention?

The Qur’an & the Sexual Treatment of Women

Sexual violence against Muslim and other women is acceptable, in the words of one women’s rights activist, “not because our religious texts tell us, but because society has misinterpreted what they actually say” (15). In Islam, the Muslim marriage is to be characterized by mutual love and kindness. According to Ar-Rum (30, “The Romans”): 21, a frequently quoted aya on the subject of marriage, husbands and wives were created for mutual “tranquility” and have been imbued with “love and mercy” for each other (16). As Laury Silvers, a Muslim scholar, writes on the online webpage The Women’s Health Project: With the emphasis the Qur’an places upon justice and compassion in human relationships, “no woman should ever feel afraid, unsafe in her home, or be subjected to any sort of psychological or physical violence at the hands of her husband” (17). If the marriages of the Prophet Muhammad (sallallahu alei wasallam) are any indication, his wives never lived in fear of him.

Generally speaking, the life and personality of the Prophet (sallallahu alei wasallam) serves as the model of what a good Muslim is and can be, regardless of gender. Allah (SWT) granted Allah’s messenger permission to take more than four wives – the limit set for other Muslim men, yet no union was established to fulfill lustful desires. The Prophet (SWT) loved his wives, respected their intellect, cherished their gifts, supported their individual agency and engaged them with mutual affection. He encouraged his followers to want for others what we want for ourselves. He understood that true intimacy was freely shared.

Like other Americans, much of what we think we know about human sexual desire is ruled by centuries of stereotypes that celebrate men as sexual beings with higher sex drives than women that must be fulfilled by as many partners as necessary (18). As Muslims, we understand that fornication is sex outside of marriage (zina), and carries material and spiritual consequences. Under certain circumstances, Muslim men who desire multiple wives may marry up to four. Polyandry, or the practice of a wife taking more than one husband simultaneously, was never legalized by Islam, thus Muslim women, marry one man for the duration of any single marriage.

Some scholars point to “classical exegesis,” or traditional interpretations, which, in the scholars’ view, direct a wife to agree to sexual intercourse with her husband as long as the act “does not cause her harm” (19). In fact, classical interpretations of An-Nisa (4, “The Women”): 34 equate the righteousness of women with their obedience to both Allah (SWT) and their husbands. Moreover, “the dominant Hanafi view accepted forcible sex in case of sexual refusal” (20). Other scholars, some themselves victims of marital rape, acknowledge the complexity of an issue whose understanding is often driven by the “consensus ruling that a woman must have sex with her husband upon demand” (21). While neither Muslim marriage, a marriage contract, nor exegesis of any form should condone spousal violence, many Muslims agree that a husband has been given unwarranted license within his home. They also agree that both wives and husbands should rush to fulfill the desires of their spouses. The task here remains to consider what these statements mean; whether marital rape is, as many Muslims believe, a “non-Muslim issue,” or is an act of violence that, when present, negatively affects the stability of Muslim family life as well; and finally, how might Muslims better embody protection for one another? These are issues Islam & Sexual Violence seeks to address.

Context and Definition for Marital Rape

To begin, let’s consider an abbreviated Q&A on wife or marital rape. Much of this discussion is available from the Wellesley Centers for women’s homepage:

Q. What is Wife or Marital Rape?

A. Wife rape is the term used to describe sexual acts committed without a wife's consent and/or against her will, when the perpetrator (attacker) is the woman's husband or ex-husband. At least three types of marital rape have been identified:

1. “battering” rape, which “involves forced sex combined with beatings” that are “either part of the entire physical abuse incident or are the result of the husband later asking his wife to prove she forgives him for the beating by having sex with him.”
2. “forced only” rape, during which the “husband uses only as much force necessary to coerce his wife into sexual activity.”
3. “obsessive” rape, which “involves using force to carry out strange, perverse sexual interests (22).

Silvers bluntly described the act of marital rape this way:

"Thank God most couples never experience marital rape. Most couples are so decent they cannot imagine what marital rape could be. Is it when she is not in the mood? Is it when he insists because he has to and she has a headache? No. Marital rape is not the same as the marital "quickie" when it just has to get done. A friend once called these quickies "bathroom sex" because one or both of you just "have to" from the natural build up of pressure. Marital rape is not when you just don't feel like it, but do it anyway. Maybe you think about the shopping or fake it a little and try to get it over with quickly. That is not rape; that is typical boring sex in marriage, which happens all the time. Sex in marriage has its passionate, tender, and also dull moments.

More specifically, marital rape is when a husband uses his power over his wife to force her to have sex against her will. This is not "boring" sex. This is the kind of sex that makes you feel betrayed by your husband, afraid of him, filthy as a person, disgusted with yourself, unworthy of love or a better life. This kind of sex makes you cry and scrub yourself in the shower afterwards. This kind of sex makes you feel as if it is your fault. You are not good enough.

Your husband may physically restrain you and violently penetrate you. He may demand that you have sex when you are very sick, utterly exhausted, or otherwise incapable. He may tell you that G’d and the angels will curse you if you refuse. He may tell you that if you are a good Muslima (Muslim woman), you will be patient. He may become angry with you because you are not sexually responsive during the rape. You may do what you can to be responsive by faking it or mustering it so you can perform your obligation to serve him. Do not assume because you experience sexual pleasure it is not abusive sex or marital rape. It is typical for victims of abuse and rape to experience arousal and orgasm. Arousal and orgasm are physiological responses to fear. It is rape because your husband wields physical, emotional, or intellectual power over you to get what he wants.

From a strictly legalistic viewpoint, marital rape is impossible, largely do to the source of its legal construction – not its religious or theological basis. As Kecia Ali has shown, Islamic marriage rulings on this matter are drawn from rulings governing sex slaves, otherwise known as concubines. The difference between a sex slave and a free woman is that the man owns only the free woman's sex. It is his property. Rape is legally considered a property crime in Islam. Hence if a man owns a slave and has sex with her, that is not rape because she is his property. Likewise in marriage the wife's sex is his rightful property. He can do with it whatever he likes within certain restrictions and the wife has no legal right to refuse. In this way of looking at things, there is no such thing as "marital rape" in Islam. How can he rape what he owns?

If you limit yourself these rulings, you have no legal right to refuse sex. But read this carefully: you have no right to refuse normal marital sex. You absolutely have an Islamic legal right to refuse being raped. Scholars who still support the view of the man's right to his wife's sex, make it clear that right does not include harming the woman in any way.

We have the right to refuse any demand and break any ruling to save ourselves or to save others. The right to protect yourself and to protect others trumps all other rulings, always, in every school of law, everywhere, at all times. Marital rape is not sex. You have the right to refuse it. You have the right to be saved from it" (23).

Q. How are Victims of Wife Rape Different from Other Rape Victims?

A. Women raped by their husbands are being violated by someone with whom they share their lives, homes, and possibly children. In addition to the violation of their bodies, they are faced with a betrayal of trust and intimacy. Sadly, victims of wife rape are not likely to see what is being done to them as a violation of their rights. This is no surprise; however, as society has only recently legally recognized wife rape as a crime, and opinion polls show that people still believe that wife rape must be "less harmful" than stranger rape.
Research indicates that wife rape victims are more likely to be raped multiple times when compared with stranger and acquaintance rape victims, and women who experience wife rape suffer long lasting physical and psychological injuries which are as severe or more severe than stranger rape victims.

Q. What Legal Rights do Married Women Have Regarding Wife Rape?

A. Today wife or marital rape is a crime. It is difficult to believe that in 1976 no husband could be charged with raping his wife, due to a section in the rape laws called the Marital Rape Exemption. This exemption (which was thought to be common law in some states but the result of legislation in others) actually exempted men from prosecution for rape in cases where the woman he raped was his wife!
Women may also sue their husbands in civil court for pain and suffering and medical and other costs incurred as a result of sexual battery.

Q. Why Would a Man Rape His Wife?

A. Our ability to answer this question is limited, as so little research has focused on husband-rapists. It is, however, clear from the reports of the survivors that it is not due to a wife's withholding of sex (the most common myth). Most women who report being raped by their husbands also report having consensual sexual intercourse with them. Researchers who have spoken with husband-rapists conclude that husband-rapists rape to reinforce their power, dominance, or control over their wife or family, or to express anger.
Stereotypes about women and sex - such as: women enjoy forced sex, women say "no" when they really mean "yes," it's a wife's duty to have sex - continue to be reinforced in our culture through both mainstream and pornographic media. Such messages not only mislead men into believing that they should ignore a woman's protests, but also mislead women into believing that they themselves must have "sent the wrong signals," blaming themselves for unwanted sexual encounters, or believing that they are "bad wives" for not enjoying sex against their will.

Q. Why Would a Woman Stay With a Man Who Raped Her?

A. The answers to this question are also complicated. Many women believe it is part of their "wifely duty" to have sex with their husbands, even if it is violent sex against their own will. Many religious doctrines do outline sexual acts as a "duty" for wives. In addition, it is only recently that the law has begun to offer wives protection from their husband's sexual attacks, and many people may be unaware that wife rape is a crime.
Many women cannot leave a relationship because they do not have the financial resources to do so. If she has children, a woman's ability to leave is complicated by the added problem of moving her children with her (taking them out of school, away from friends) or abandoning her children. She may not leave for fear of what the offender may do to her or the children. In addition, some women may not leave due to love and loyalty to the husband, which may override her own pain and suffering. The decision to leave a person you care about or love can be very difficult, even when the relationship is unhealthy or violent. But it's the abuse that's wrong, not loving someone who is abusive. No one deserves to be beaten or raped, and no one is required to live in a climate of fear and violence. Everyone has the right to live in a safe home. Some consider focusing on such an issue to be "victim-blaming." Indeed, if we remain hung up on this issue we reinforce the notion that the woman is at fault for staying with an abusive partner, rather than the man being at fault for being abusive. The abusive partner must accept responsibility for the abuse, not the victim!!

Conclusions

Without a doubt, the concept of marital rape is a sensitive issue. Secrecy – on at least three levels – has fostered the lack of public awareness and acknowledgement of the reality of marital rape. Victims, abusers, and society at large either keep such abuse secret or avoid recognizing and responding to it as a serious issue. Our society can no longer permit marital rape to be treated less seriously than other forms of rape, nor can we continue to enable abusers to hide behind religious texts or interpretations. Rather than see marital rape through the prism of marital privacy, we must advocate for its eradication as a means of safeguarding our communities and protecting “the least of these.”
Many women who have been sexually assaulted by their husbands do not see themselves as having been raped. Likewise, many husbands do not believe they have committed a criminal act. We must empower women to audibly voice their wishes without fear of reprisal, and educate men about personal responsibility, discipline and a women’s right to say ”No,” regardless of her martial status.
As American Muslims we need to take control of images projected upon us and our religion. We must vigorously combat the work of some who project marital rape as an “Islamic transgression.” We, part of the 1.2-billion-plus global community of Islam, can stand at the forefront in an effort to reclaim the sanctity of marriage in a society that seems at ease with its 50-percent divorce rate. We must open our mosques and Islamic centers as zones of safety where transformative learning, healing and justice for both victims and perpetrators takes place, and it’s no laughing matter.

If you feel you are a victim of marital rape or any other form of domestic violence, dial 911, call the National Domestic Violence Hotline (800-7099-SAFE) or go to : http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Spousal_rape.
We thank Allah (SWT) for the resources available through New Jersey’s WAFA House (Women Against Family Abuse -- 800-930-WAFA), Baitul Salaam Network in Atlanta, GA (404-366-6610), and other such Muslim groups. Nasr um min Allah (with the help of Allah (SWT), if you are a Muslima or a Muslim couple who have experienced marital rape and you want help, you will soon be able to receive assistance from any and all of your neighborhood mosques, Islamic centers or other Muslim organizations.

1. Baitul Salaam Network Inc. was founded by Muslim women in 1997 as a material weapon against domestic violence.
   See http://baitulsalaam.net/homepage ; accessed May 25, 2006.
2. David Finkelhor and Kersti Yllo, “Types of Marital Rape,” in Rape and Society: Readings on the Problem of Sexual Assault, Ronald J. Berger and Patricia Searles, eds. (Westview Press, 1995), 152.
3. At-Taubah (9, “The Repentance”):71, Yusuf Ali translation.
4. Kecia Ali, “Muslim Sexual Ethics: Marriage Contracts in Islamic Jurisprudence,” The Feminist Sexual Ethics Project available at:
   http://www.brandeis.edu/projects/fse/muslim/... ; accessed May 25, 2006.
5. Kecia Ali, email conversation with author, May 26, 2006.
6. “Making Rape In Marriage Illegal,” Namibian. Available at:
   http://www.namibian.com.na/N... ; accessed May 28, 2006.
7. Kecia Ali, email conversation with author, May 26, 2006. Ali contributes to the section, “Muslim Sexual Ethics.” See The Feminist Sexual Ethics Project at:
   http://www.brandeis.edu/projects/fse/muslim/...
8. J. C. Barden, “Confronting the Moral and Legal Issue of Marital Rape,” The New York Times, June 1, 1981. Online edition accessed May 28, 2006.
9. “Marital Rape,” VAW Net (The National Online Resource Center on Violence Against Women) available at:
   http://www.vawnet.org/DomesticViolence/... ;
   accessed May 25, 2006. Seventeen states provide no exemptions from rape prosecution for husbands; in thirty-three states the extent of prosecution is influenced by use of force.
10. Fellicity Kaganas and Christina Murray, “Law Reform and the Family: The New South African Rape-in-Marriage Legislation,” Journal of Law and Society, Vol. 18, No. 3 (Autumn 1991), 289.
11. Lynne Duke, “Hateful Stereotypes of Black Women Resurface,” The Washington Post, May 24, 2006. Received as an email.
12. Dorothy Height, as quoted in Ibid.
13. Rose Ismail, “Vociferous denial of marital rape is cause for concern,” New Straits Times (Malaysia), August 29, 2004. Online accessed May 25, 2006.
14. These comments followed a proposal by the Human Rights Commission of Malaysia to include marital rape as a punishable offense. “No Need to criminalize marital rape,” New Straits Times (Malaysia), August 23, 2004. Accessed online May 25, 2006.
15. Bandana Rana as quoted in Ramyata Limbu, “Marital Rape Outlawed by Nepal’s Supreme Court,” PanosLondonOnline, January 10, 2002. Available at:
    http://www.panos.org.uk/newsfeatures/f... ; accessed May 28, 2006.
16. Yusuf Ali translation.
17. See “Domestic Violence: the Prophet’s wives and his loving examples” at:
    http://progressiveislam.org/women/index.php?...
18. It is the long-held and widely accepted belief that men are by nature polygynous (meaning, in this case, in need of the physical fulfillment through multiple sex partners)
19. Karen A. Bauer, email conversation with author, March 26, 2006.
20. Kecia Ali, email conversation with author.
21. Email conversation with author, May 26, 2006. Identity of scholar withheld for her privacy and safety.
22. Sarah M. Harless, “From the Bedroom to the Courtroom: The Impact of Domestic Violence Law on Marital Rape Victims,” Rutgers Law Journal 35, No. 305-43 (Fall 2003). Accessed online May 28, 2006.
23. http://progressiveislam.org/women/index.php?title=Violence_against_Women....
24. See Christopher Orlet, “Tolerant to a Fault,” The American Spectator, March 3, 2006. Accessed online May 28, 2006.
25. The artwork is by Khadejha McCall, "Strong Black Woman," and "Some Day Soon," 1989. I cropped the images for display on this page. To see the orginals please visit this site.