I have been hit with a question I have no answer for. And, strangely enough I’ve been asked by more than one woman in the same situation, what to do. I am religious, not overly or ackwardly so, but religious enough. So therefore the question of having affairs is well out of the question. But when you have a mix match of desire does running to the divorce court really settle anything? If the person you married is your heart mate, and soul mate, but not your pleasure mate, should you throw the baby out with the bath water and book? I don’t know. I really don’t know. Sorry to say I know people from the masjid who stray and who are very sanctimonious, and very holy. Note I didn’t say religious, they really think they are holy and can get some on the side if they “desire” it. But really what does a woman do? All hidden away in the folds of her hijab is a woman with desires, questions, and no answers and no one to talk to.
Only those empty days and nights sleeping alone and wondering how, oh how did things get so twisted? Maybe she wonders the sin is in her, down deep inside her, where desire lives and should have been quenched through ziker and prayer. But it was not. Maybe its the eyes she thinks, the part of her that looks out on the world, not for love or lust, but its there in all its splendor. Bright greens and blues and reds, and smells for the nose of roses, and candy and rain. She sits and she fills confusion lifting her off the ground in a bubble. What does one do?
There is no one to trust is there? No, don’t say a word to anyone at the masjid, the center, or the Imam…keep quiet, suffer, yes oh yes there is barakah in suffering for righteous reasons is it not? But a man who can not, will not, do the things that marriage guarantees…
One Imam said, “if you were my sister I’d tell you to leave him.” And she sighed hearing this. No more needed at that moment, there had been at least one affirmation, word that helped her. Someone cared. He knew, he knew. But if she looks she is sinning, if she doesn’t look she starves. Oh well, I don’t know what to tell you I am not that smart, all I know is Allah is good and he did not want this for you sister, he didn’t. You can leave, but yes, it will be hard. And maybe you can still be friends with him, maybe, but likely not. You will be poor, and living will be hard, but maybe there will be another chance somehow. I pray there will be.