My possible decision to "Apostate" from Islam

I saw an hilarious cartoon in the New Yorker: Two senile cowboys are sitting in their rocking chairs on the front porch of the "Cowboys Retirement Home" and one cowboy is asking the other "Were we gay?" Of course, this is only humerous for people who watched the movie "Brokeback Mountain." But, many a true word is said in jest. My point being that, if we live long enough, then gradually, in old age, many appetites, desires and passions fade away. So, regardless of one's choice of religion, it is reasonable to do your best, and struggle with the trials of being human in the flesh, and live in hope that "alls well that ends well." I am reminded of an Old Testament verse from the book of Ezekiel in Chapter 33. I googled just now and found some off-beat translation http://www.bible.org/NETbible/eze33.htm Ezekiel Israel’s Watchman The word of the Lord came to me: “Son of man, speak to your people, and say to them, ‘Suppose I bring a sword against the land, and the people of the land take one man from their borders and make him their watchman. He sees the sword coming against the land, blows the trumpet, and warns the people,but there is one who hears the sound of the trumpet yet does not heed the warning. Then the sword comes and sweeps him away. He will be responsible for his own death. He heard the sound of the trumpet but did not heed the warning, so he is responsible for himself. If he had heeded the warning, he would have saved his life. But suppose the watchman sees the sword coming and does not blow the trumpet to warn the people. Then the sword comes and takes one of their lives. He is swept away for his iniquity, but I will hold the watchman accountable for that person’s death.’ 33:7 “I have made you a watchman for the house of Israel. Whenever you hear a word from my mouth, you must warn them on my behalf. When I say to the wicked, ‘O wicked man, you must certainly die,’ and you do not warn the wicked about his behavior, the wicked man will die for his iniquity, but I will hold you accountable for his death. But if you warn the wicked man to change his behavior, and he refuses to change, he will die for his iniquity, but you have saved your own life. 33:10 “Say to the house of Israel, ‘This is what you have said: “Our rebellious acts and our sins have caught up with us, and we are wasting away because of them. How then can we live?”’ Say to them, ‘As surely as I live, declares the sovereign Lord, I take no pleasure in the death of the wicked, but prefer that the wicked change his behavior and live. Turn back, turn back from your evil deeds! Why should you die, O house of Israel?’ 33:12 “And you, son of man, say to your people, ‘The righteousness of the righteous will not deliver him if he rebels. As for the wicked, his wickedness will not make him stumble if he turns from it. The righteous will not be able to live by his righteousness if he sins.’ Suppose I tell the righteous that he will certainly live, but he becomes confident in his righteousness and commits iniquity. None of his righteous deeds will be remembered; because of the iniquity he has committed he will die. Suppose I say to the wicked, ‘You must certainly die,’ but he turns from his sin and does what is just and right. He returns what was taken in pledge, pays back what he has stolen, and follows the statutes that give life, committing no iniquity. He will certainly live – he will not die. None of the sins he has committed will be counted against him. He has done what is just and right; he will certainly live. “Yet your people say, ‘The behavior of the Lord is not right,’ when it is their behavior that is not right. When a righteous man turns from his godliness and commits iniquity, he will die for it. When the wicked turns from his sin and does what is just and right, he will live because of it. Yet you say, ‘The behavior of the Lord is not right.’ House of Israel, I will judge each of you according to his behavior.” (end of passage from Ezekiel) I became aware of this one day, in a Greek monastery, when I heard the abbot giving a sermon about some obscure passage in the Old Testament about a tree, which said "If a tree falls to the north, it lies to the north." His point was simply, what spiritual meaning might we see in such a simple minded statement. He went on to illustrate that the fallen tree is a metaphor for our circumstances and disposition at the moment of death. Until we die, there is hope. But once we die, then we remain frozen in that final character or attidue. Anyway, I hope some of this is of some comfort for you.