I was just reading Ali Eteraz' excellent post on Muslim Polygamy in North America. I responded there, and I'll repeat it here:
I have been offered marriage as a second wife. It is a girlfriend kind of thing. The idea is he comes and sees me, we have a great weekend, he leaves and takes his dirty underwear with him. But he takes his dirty underwear back to his first wife who then has to wash them along with all the other laundry and care for all the detritus of their lives including the burden of not being enough for him no matter what she does. What ass would even think that a woman with any self-respect would do that to another woman?! Urgh. I was talking to Hedonist about this the other day. You know how much she has posted on this issue.
She can add more clarity to the legal and historical reasons behind it. I understood that it comes from the legal principle that a particular command can have a general meaning. The verse tells men who have been entrusted with the inheritance of children whose fathers have died that if they fear they will steal the entrusted money, they should marry the orphans mothers and so have the right to spend the money, but on them as a family. It is a very particular context, indeed! Not very complementary to the men who are told to take more than one wife to keep from stealing the women's children's money! But since particular commands can be taken as general, then combined with the Prophetic practice, we have polygamy for all Muslim men.ÂÂ
There are restrictions on the practice (which few in the States seem to follow from the families that I am aware of). Many communities refuse to recognize these marriages and Imams will not marry a couple unless he sees the civil wedding license first. Forget polygamy, it's called bigamy here and it is a crime. One would think that the verse stating that men should not take more than one wife because they will not be able to treat them fairly would be enough to warn against the license made with the permitting verse.
So men will argue, well the Prophet, the Prophet! What about the Prophet!? He was the Prophet, alayhi salam, the best of men, the Messenger of God, and he had a hard time with it! His wives were jealous and angry and didn't handle it well at all. If there was a way to do it well, then the Prophet did it best. My sense is that if the best man among all men had a hard time doing it well, we should have some humility and not assume we can do better than the Prophet here.
Er, Laury, men who want to do what they want to do because they want to do it won't give a fig about this Qur'an folderol you're presenting, love. Same for this Sunnah stuff. Them, they think with the small heads, so what is far more likely to work is some sort of study proving that sleeping with more than one woman lowers your sperm count, shrinks your tallywhacker, or something like that.
(Actually, sleeping with more women does not increase one's chances of becoming a father, btw.It does, however, increase one's chances of going utterly broke.)
Having two or three or four wives sound like a lead-in to an old Chicago folk song, first written by the late great columnist Mike Royko:
Ohhhh, I wish I were single,
How my pockets would jingle,
I wish I were single agaaaaaiinnn.
lol, you guys. Exactly, Nakia, you know the men who offer such things disqualify themselves as appropriate mates in the asking.
Islamic law obligates us to follow the civil laws of the country we are living in with the exception of prohibitions against the fundametals of worship such as the salat, etc. Polygamy is not fundamental to anything other than getting a bit on the side.
There are cases that I might call the "Katharine Hepburn-Spencer Tracy" exception or situations of dire need such as illness in which the husband remains caring for a wife in a coma and takes a second wife to continue living as would be right and good. But those are so few and far between and arise out of a true necessity.
Then you know think of the legal aspect, the second wife has no rights under civil law. Spain still has concubinage laws on the books and second wives there register as concubines thus accruing some legal rights through the state.
______________________________
Deja Fu is the feeling that you have been kicked in the head this way before. --Terry Pratchett
Ginan Rauf
many more women than you think. what do you think the miyasar
marriage is all about in Saudia Arabia? I don't know who does the
underwear, maybe foreign domestic workers. but there is an economic side to all this.
Great article. I just started reading your blog and I'm really enjoying it.
I think you make an excellent point in that last paragraph, as using the Prophet or someone using Jesus or Jacob or whomever as an example, and even reason, for one's behavior. It is a supreme act of hubris to assume we have the wisdom of these great men and women (which is not to say, heh, they always behaved the best - at least the Jewish patriarchs and matriarchs). At any rate, thanks a lot. I've linked to you from my blog, btw (www.religionism.net) I hope you don't mind.
Shalom
I hope you smacked him upside the head, Laury!
Post new comment