there are no cute progressive guys

the ones that are have been emasculated because they believe in women’s rights and justice and all that other ‘faggoty’ ‘gay’ stuff

Eh, bite me, Ali.
Or are you trying to tell me that you’re rather homely :)?
I’ll just keep working on the project and finding cute progressive guys.

Can I interest you in outsourced Egyptian progressives? I’m thinking of getting into the yenta business.

I’m tired of meeting boys who can’t take me home to Mama because I’m a chocolate covered Muslim feminist. If these Egyptians are like that, they can stick to carrying my books while I hunt through library stacks, or do my typing. :)

Ah yes, the color problem in Muslim romance. Arab and South Asian men won't go for black women. Arab men like the prize of a white woman, until he finds out that his idea of being feminist and hers were, uh, different. South Asian men just want to make their families happy and that means a South Asian woman who knows how to navigate their family. Black men won't go for white women, but seem to be most interested in Black women and South or South East Asian women. White men only want Arab or South Asian women, the darker the better, but not so dark as to be "chocolatey." They especially seem to like women who have some sense of "place" if you know what I mean. So White women and Black women get short shrift here. 

Some of it has to do with expectations of family obligations and autonomy. Those of us on any side of this game who have expectations of autonomy in a relationship with a partner who does not share those same expectations is not going to be happy. One's expectations of autonomy are cultural to some degree and so that contributes to the color lines. Or at least that is how it seems from over here. Vast generalities, I know. But what are the comments section for, if not generalities????

I want to add that I don't know enough Latino Muslims or African Muslims, etc…to generalize although I would dearly love to generalize on this matter some more. 

I had a long conversation about this with a Canadian convert friend of mine who is black and recently divorced her Sudanese husband. (She looks very very North Sudanese herself; she thinks her ancestors, before they were enslaved, probably came from East Africa.) We were bitching and moaning (she in frustration, I out of embarassment) about how there's this myth that there is no racism in the Muslim world; that we're all 'brothers/sisters' etc. She was saying that she was astonished to be considered 'white' in Sudan, looking as she does like a Northerner. So in Sudan, she was part of the elite. But in Lower Egypt, she can't meet a man who will even consider bringing a dark-skinned woman into his family. But that's not racism, people will tell you, wide-eyed. We simply don't like dark skin.

Then there's me. I am the color of cream cheese. I glow in the dark. Women have come up to me in the street to ask if I'm available for their sons. It's disgusting and shallow and mercenary. I've gotten to the point where I automatically reach up to adjust my scarf with my left hand whenever I pass people—men especially—in the street, so that my wedding ring is in plain sight.

But Nakia, bubbi, don't worry. I'm going to find you a nice progressive doctor who is both a feminist and not a racist in denial.

On a different note, what sort of research are you doing?

I’m doing something on praxis- but will say no more here at the moment. Trust me, if I manage to pull this off, it will be just dandy.

Music and books! My usual priorities when I have evil to spend. Which I never do.

And there are these generalizations about muslim subcommunities—very interesting—I love learning stuff liek this about other cultures. I know they don’t apply to all the people all the time but it gives me a handle on how people in other places (might) relate to each other.

Oh the frustrations of being open-minded and sometwhat informed and trying to be politically correct enough, at least to avoid flames.

Actually I read in a book about chaos theory to look for the differences between what you think are similar and look for the similarities between what you think are different. It opens my eyes.

So Nakia, what music? If anyone cares to revive an old thread. I’m a half-generation too old to know my way around all this blogging stuff.

And as I type, the text is going off the screen so there are weird typos … I swear it’s not the wine.

hakim

Don’t worry, it’s not the wine. I’ve been listening to Persian Sufi music lately, when my brain hasn’t been absolutely sore with reading and trying to write. Then I turn on silly 80’s pop music, which has been leading into me discovering neo-soul groups in ways too embarassing for me to mention. Let’s just say I’m glad I’ve got good stuff to listen to when my brain recovers.
So about me finding cute progressive guys:
Aside from the usual racial issues, part of the problem is that guys who hold progressive ideals have been scared away from most Muslim spaces. Which is part of the reason why I’d like to help create places for progressive Muslims to gather, on and offline.

Progressive Dating service…. You know everyone always asks me what "progressive" means. I always say "I don't know, the term is still being decided." Maybe the best way to decide it is to have a progressive dating site and see who signs up and how they describe themselves. If I think about dating a progressive guy, I think one important thing: he would not assume he is my imam in every sense of the word. Here is my entry (JOKE) Separated Muslim Woman convert, PhD, attractive, tall, strong enough to pull a plow but not drag around your mother's expectations of what a good wife should be, needs man to do manly things like pay his portion of the living expenses, fix things around the house, take out the trash, smash intruders, be thoughtful without prompting, and be willing to partner in all things imam. Jokes aside, we can set up a personals section on the site believe it or not, quite simple actually. We might just need a volunteer to watch it and make sure it does not get used for purposes more appropriate to adult friend finder if you know what I mean??? Who might that person be????

It seems my intentions here were misunderstood.  It is my sincere hope that Nakia would agree to moderate a personals page on the site…... 

It would not be a good idea for me to moderate the site- I may want to keep all the nice guys for myself, and only make the profiles of the knuckleheads public :P
I’d think that a (brief) compatibility quiz would be in order, especially as “progressive” as a term is still under construction.
Either way, I’m on the job hunt, and working on this pesky project. Make du’a for me.

Ah well, such things can wait. (^: Duas on the way, insha’Allah.

Persian sufi music?! Suggestions??

I’m always eager to hear anything from anywhere between Mali & Bali. Vaguely. Someday on my blog I’ll get into music.

Now I better go get some home repairs done while wife & daughter are at the park.

hakim

One suggestion for now: Amir Vahab, my teacher.
www.tanbour.org.
More once you’ve fixed up stuff.