Salaams M.
Hey A, howz it going?
Fine, listen up. I’ve got a new religion for you. Well, it’s not really new, more of a clarification of the religious ideas that have been bouncing around this part of the world over the last few thousand years
Cool, what’s it called?
Islam – and, well, to make it simple for everyone, I’m sending a book. The style is sublime, though I say so myself. Anyway, it should clear up a few things about how people should live their lives and their relationship with Me.
That sounds fantastic. Thank you, A.
And another thing – this time, no priests. I think the world has seen more than enough people speaking and acting on My behalf. And that goes for you, M. You’re just to deliver the book, and try to follow it yourself.
I won’t get any ideas above my station.
Actually you will, but I’ve written that into the book – you’ll get a slap on the wrist, but don’t fret, things between us will always be funky.
You’re so sweet, A. So when do I get this book?
I thought it might be better to give it to you over a couple of decades, give people a chance to contextualise its meaning, help future generations make better sense of it.
I can see you’ve given this a lot of thought.
Oh yes, I’ve even built the contextualising into the text, so events will meld with its meaning. It’s very subtle – you’re gonna love it, M, really.
So, once we have this book, it’s just a matter of choosing a nice binding and then distributing it to humanity race for guidance.
Ah. Note quite.
Okay, A, what’s the hitch this time?
No hitch, M. I’m sending you a bunch of intellectuals. They will be in charge of interpretation. Intellectuals are good. They will found a globalizing culture that will help unite humanity in peace and love.
That’s nice, but I thought you said no priests?
They’re not priests, M, their intellectuals. I’m going call ‘em ulema – sweet sounding term, huh?
But A, what if someone has a different intepretation, you know, one that disagrees with the “ulema”?
Well, as long as they can come up with an argument that’s as smart as anything the ulema can come up with, fine.
So if you want to disagree with an intellectual, that’s fine, as long as you become one yourself.
Well, I wouldn’t have put it that way.
The ulema are not in charge, but only one of the ulema – or someone who thinks like them – can challenge the ulema. Sounds like the ulema are in charge, if you ask me.
Well no one is asking you, M. Anyway, it’s in the book. Sort of.
What do you mean, “sort of”?
Well, the ulema will intepret it to mean that whatever they say is true, within certain parameters, as defined by them, of course.
A., are you sure you’ve really thought this through?
Trust me, M. I know what’s best for you all. And so will the ulema.