The following story is reprinted, with permission, from Counterpunch. For me this moving letter captures the spirit of non-violent resistance coming out of Lebanon and the hope of possibile alternatives, the hope of transcending mutually assured cultural degradation.
In solidarity with the spirit of the wedding,
Ginan.
"You can tell them that I’m not leaving.We love Lebanon.â€Â
From ZENA EL-KHALIL
BEIRUT -- I have started coughing, but I don’t know why. I am not sick. I don’t have a cold. I think it’s a reaction I’m having to stress. My body feels weak. My mouth is always dry, no matter how much water I drink. And I’m afraid to drink too much water because I don’t want it to run out!
Last night was probably the most frightful night I have ever experienced in my whole entire life. I was so tired and exhausted... have not slept in days. When there is finally a quiet moment, the tension in my stomach and heart prevents me from falling asleep. Last night we counted at least 15 bombs falling into Dahiyeh (Beirut Suburbs) … and these were just the ones we heard. At some point during the night, I said to myself that if I didn’t at least try to get some sleep that I was going to go crazy from fatigue; and that was what was going to kill me. Haven’t been able to eat either, so am losing physical strength. It’s all psychological at this point. I know I have to be strong, and I will be, but I can’t deny what I’m going through. And I think it’s important that people hear about the downside as well as the bravery. So many of us are already working hard to fix things, we are running around Beirut trying to get food and water and medicine to people, we are doing things online, etc, but it doesn’t mean we are not scared, sick or tired.
So, last night amidst the worst shelling we’ve had so far, I realized that I was not afraid of the noise anymore; how quickly you get used to it. I realized what was hurting the most was the “UNKNOWNâ€Â. What is going to happen tomorrow? When will this all end? How are we going to start re-building again? Are the refugees going to be ok? How are the people in the south? And why punish a whole country? What is the real plan behind all of this? How much worse is it going to get? My husband and I have been housing foreign “refugees†helping them to find their way out of the country. Two managed to leave this morning, a German and Swiss. The other two are British and American. The craziest thing is that out of all people, the American embassy has been the LEASThelpful to its citizens here. The phone line to the embassy has been practically out of service. My friend, Amanda,(whom I just met a few days ago, by the way) had to hire a cab to take her to the embassy (which is a ride out of Beirut) and all they could tell her was that they didn’t know what they were going to do and to keep checking the website. Only thing she has gotten on the website is that she now knows that there is going to be an evacuation (5 day later), but when it happens, she is going to have to pay for it! Yes, they are saying to their citizens that they are going to bill them for their ride out! Can you believe that?!
Trying to evacuate people has put me under stress. Thequestion is what am I to do if I had the opportunity toleave? Would I leave? What do I do with my friends? Myfamily? My art studio? I have a British passport; I could be evacuated with my husband. But what would happen to my best friend Maya? She has a very rare and bad case of cancer! I have been taking care of her since she was diagnosed a few months ago and I know that my care for her is what has helped her do so well. Her type of cancer is “untreatableâ€Â, but ironically, the day the shelling started, her doctor told us her tumors had shrunk! Unbelievable- a true miracle. I can’t leave Maya!
What about art work in my studio? What about all my brushes and paints and glitter and books! All my books! Again -- the crazy things that cross your mind. What about our photo albums? All our family pictures? The memories... What about the doodles I drew on my balcony a few summers ago when I was suffering from a bad break up? What about all the love letters I have saved? Letters that document my youth that I wanted to some day give to my daughter.
What about my other best friend? My dog, Tampopo? My beautiful Jack Russel Terrier who has never let me down. Who has always been a source of purity and compassion... Who has eyes of an angel... Dogs are not allowed to evacuate. MyAmerican friend Christine is going to have to leave her dog with me; a black pug named Baousi (means Kiss in Arabic).She is heartbroken! She almost didn’t want to evacuate. She went to so many embassies to try and register with them andsee if they would take her dog. Don’t worry Christine, Iwill take great care of Baousi.
My sister has been volunteering to help the refugees who are being sheltered in public schools. Right now they are calling on Lebanese citizens to help out with money, medicine, food, water, blankets and mattresses. She has been going to people and asking for money and then going out to buy medicines for refugees- her own initiative! My mom has joined in too. A friend has put together a website foraccepting donations:
http://atrissi.com/helplebanon/
Biggest cynical statement of the day: Israel has told people to evacuate from the south because they are going to annihilate the south of Lebanon. However, the people can not leave because all the roads have been destroyed/blocked. And yesterday when people did try and leave, the Israelis opened fire on them! A massacre is happening!
Update on the attacks, as of yesterday:
Israelis have been bombing the south of Lebanon with phosphorus and other chemical bombs.
Israelis have bombed all ports along the coastline of Lebanon.
Israelis have bombed all our local army radars and some outposts
Israelis have bombed/attacked the fire fighting brigade and the Search and Rescue Brigade in the South. Innocent civilian lives were lost. It was a massacre - the buildings were also housing refugees.
Israelis have continued to bomb the suburb of Beirut,
Dahiyeh & Haret Hreik
Israelis have now killed over 100 civilians and there are several hundreds wounded - and they continue to bomb the south
Israelis have started hitting roads that lead to the mountains. They hit a main one leading to the Shouf.
Israelis have hit a gas plant in the mountains... I can’t keep up with what they have hit.
*** Israel has begun to target Lebanese army outposts. They have killed Lebanese soldiers. They are no longer just targeting Hizuballah. They mean to kill all of Lebanon.
The reality:
Israel is trying to bring Lebanon to its knees. Israel is trying to destroy Lebanon and the Lebanese spirit. Israel is trying to turn Lebanese against each other. Israel is trying to turn us into animals scrounging for food, water and shelter. Israel and the United States of America are trying to drag Syria and Iran into this too. They are using Lebanon as bait. Lebanon is stuck in the middle. The Americans and Israelis are trying to launch a regional war!!
Please help in any way you can.Please pass on the message, this email - reprint if you wish.Please tell people what is going on.Please put pressure on your respective governments to step in and do something.
Lebanon is a peaceful country. We are the only country in the region in which people of all religions co-exist peacefully.
It is unbelievable how biased the news is. They are not reporting the real damage being caused. They don’t report that the Israelis are killing innocent civilians.
Are the Israeli & US government really just trying to wipe us all out? Well, you can tell them that I’m not leaving. And there are many of us who are not leaving. We love Lebanon. We love what we have spent our lives building.
Tell them about people like me who build culture and tolerance. Who work for peace and understanding. Who work to educate. Who work to promote love and compassion. There are thousands like me here. What about us?
Tell them about people like me, that despite all of this, I have still not learnt to hate. They can take everything from me, but not my dignity. Not my morals and beliefs. They will never never break my spirit.
Tell the Israeli citizens what their government is doing to us. Tell them that violence begets violence. Remind them that Lebanon is their neighbor and that co-existence is possible. How are we going to ever reach an understanding through violence? We were so close... We were so close...
Please stop this brutality!
Still with love,
Zena el-Khalil
By the way, did I mention Maya’s tumors are getting smaller?Did I mention there was a wedding across the street yesterday?
Don’t know how much longer this email will still be up for,but in case of an emergency, there is always ziggydoodle@yahoo.com
it says: love your neighbor...
israel and lebanon are neighbors....
we are witnessing israeli love in bombed building and burnt ambulances and scared an bleeding children clinging to a dazed mother... some of israeli love was signed by their children.
the silence of the progressives. i could envision the progressives sitting in groups of three (for solidarity!!) covering each others' eyes, ears and mouths. the germans did the same. The only difference is that the germans did it sipping beer in their famous beer halls. lucky germans...they were drunk...they did not know what was going on to their neighbors.
What an utter crock. You're full of it, center.
Ginan, this is heart-rendingly lovely, and a great way to remind me that I hadn't done anything this evening on the matter (I try to do something twice daily, the mornings are easier for some reason.)
Ginan Rauf
center i understand your anger. I have been speaking out on this
issue. And you know it. This woman- I have no idea where you
are located- is resisting whether you see the value or not of what
she is doing, just by staying behind. She is really addressing the
cynical and racist implications of evacuations. She had the
opportunity to leave because she is a dual national but choose to stay. That is a form of solidarity few of us are able to rise to. She
does this during a time of colossal colossal abandonment when
much of the world, including its craven Arab leaders are looking
the other way. They are the ones to whom you should be directing
your misdirected ire. But the progressives- whatever that means- are
a soft target.
There are layers and layers of resistance here. It is the solidarity of staying and living when others want to turn you into refugees and deny your existence, to shatter solidarity and scatter, to destroy
a civilization of which you are defiantly proud unlike the cowering
autocaratics who have no sense of identification with their people.
You expose the brutality of the aggressor by refusing to be the
aggressor, by letting the insane forces of war win and degrade us all
She is trying, in the only way she can, to shatter the stupid stereotype that all Arabs are hateful, full of hate and a desire for
revenge when citizens, ordinary people in the West rarely hear
that voice.
In case you hadn't noticed, survival itself becomes a form of resistance when people want to annihilate you. There is the daily
business of helping sick friends, one suffering from cancer, and
gathering money for refugees ect ect, of keeping up the will to
live when life can become so brutal and meaningless that you give
up internally.. You think about living but also about what makes life
worth living. this is hard hard daily work. You insult the resilence,
intelligence and humanity of those who stay behind by reducing this
to Germans sipping beer. Shame on you. It takes superhuman courage to carry on daily, to have a wedding and not let the purveyors of carnage win.
You stay in order to affirm your attachment to theland, a locale, a specific place. You disrupt the colossal abandonment. You stand behind with a view to rebuilding your culture--- a variant form of resistance that is non-violent but hardly passive.You resist the global politics of a warrior class that is holding
citizens hostage, you make the presence of ordinary citizens
felt on the global stage and seek desperately for a way out. But
she never loses sight of the brutality, of what is being done to her
country.
this form of resitance sumud- has a long history. People often overlook the daily practice of sumud in places like Gaza and the West bank. You might want to watch the film Rana's Wedding to get a sense of what how it operates in praxis, on a daily basis. You migh
also want to check out Raja Shehedah's '' The third way'' and just
think about how resistance operates in myriad ways on multiple fronts. Unless hearts are openned and minds changed in privileged
sectors of the North I don't know how you can stop this stunning
level of savagery. As this war grows more costly dissent will grow in
Israel. If our troops ending getting sucked in dissent may grow here as well.
You think about living but also about what makes life
worth living. this is hard hard daily work. You insult the resilence,
intelligence and humanity of those who stay behind by reducing this
to Germans sipping beer. Shame on you. It takes superhuman courage to carry on daily, to have a wedding and not let the purveyors of carnage win. Ginan
Ginan,
I have nothing but admiration for the sumud of those refusing to leave. my point was that the germans in denying responsibility for what was happening to their neighbors is pretty much like what the progressives here are doing. Haven't you noticed some distancing themselves from that stuff and concentrating on our 'local' community?
the progressives ignore that the lebanese are our neighbors.
the last thing i would ever think is look down at the dedication and the resilence of those who refuse to budge from their homes...
Ginan, i never intended an iota of what was read in my post. sorry if i offended you.
look forward to reading your thoughts on this topic and other topics.
Neighbors? Black Africa is closer geographically to us than Lebanon with alot more problems. Or, do you mean neighbors in faith or, perhaps even ethnicity? If you rate this issue as meriting attention because of severity, there are many places under more severe pressure. So, I'm confused by this angst-ridden focus (temporary, as it always is). Not that I'm telling you its a bad thing, simply that I'm opting out and hope others start to think long term rather than chasing the tragedy of the day. But, please, for the sake of learning, lay out the rationale and know that I have no intention of "proving" you wrong or trying to "prove" the superiority of my position. I just need to understand yours more.
- A Salafi in worship, a Sufi in society, a Secularist in government.
Ginan Rauf
I agree with you about the denial of responsibility.
no hard feelings.
You know Omar you can go on and on rationalize all you want
but one thing shows though consistently. You can barely bring
yourself to care on a human level. shame Arabs when they act
racist, insensitive, arrogant or overbearing towards others. I
am the first to admit that we have a problem with racism. But
for heaven's sakes have the graciousness, the generosity of spirit
not to kick people when they are down. Some of us have friends
with families over threre, some of us have friends over there,
some of us are deeply connected to the culture. It is insulting for
you to trivialize our deeply felt connection to our countries of
origin. Not once have i detected a shred of kindness, a spark of
identification with the human suffering. If this what your faith is
all about?
My compassion ran out alot time ago. It was a finite resource, and others helped me spend it foolishly. But, then again, like I said, I don't begrudge you your focus, but don't tell me I have to care, too, until you or anyone can tell me why I should care about this more than something else. Family, freinds? I hope they come through unharmed and wish them the best.
- A Salafi in worship, a Sufi in society, a Secularist in government.
Ginan Rauf
You make my point. It shows, the rahma deficit. nobody says you have to care more. You do begrudge us our focus, assume that our concern is the frantic topic of the day. What is the faith all about? I always thought Sufis saw the divine in all of creation, were hurt if any of God's creatures were harmed?
Rahma is NOT a finite resource, and Muslims complaining about a rahma deficit is like saying you're broke when you live in a gold mine. It will take a bit of work, but the infinite source of Divine Mercy WILL take your call. You just have to dial.
I've decided to elevate my response to an entry. I won't sugarcoat how I feel; raw reality and what someone really thinks, however unpretty people think it is. I, for one, think the Lebanese people are being used as a yo-yo by Hezbollah and Israel.
Nakia- perhaps rahma is a degradable resource. Seriously. Like
I am really interested- in terms of evolutionary biology-about
generates feelings of altruism, expands the circle of empathy some speak of.
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